This years Nano is a struggle. It really is. The words won't come and when they do they are disjointed and maddening. Anyone else having hassles? Here's today's woe-some effort.
Day Fourteen: NanoWriMo ~ Daydreaming…
Not too long into my journey my thoughts cross to you and the time we spent together.
Has it really been twenty years?
No particular one moment but a memory flashes in my mind then a longing that starts innocently and moves quick presenting as sin in my loins.
Why do I ache for you so?
Why is it after so many years thoughts of you can come rushing back like only minutes have past?
I bow my head and shake the image. I press my nose against the cold glass and watch the white lines rushing by. I try to focus on anything else but still you’re face is clearly there in front of me, taunting me, seducing me, begging me to call. But I won’t.
Why does she haunt me so?
I’m in love with someone else. I have my life all mapped out with my new wife and our child on the way.
Why are you so present in my mind? Still.
Is this how it’s meant to be? Is this life, my mind?
Several hours later the evening bus pulls into Spencer Street. I hear the buzz of traffic in the streets nearby. But there’s stillness at the depot. It’s different to the rest of the city. It’s contains a loneliness, a cold concrete wall of emptiness and fear deep inside. I realize I’m alone, all alone and feeling the need.
What are you doing now my sweet wife?
I walk the lonely streets and browse the familiar walkways, display windows dull and lifeless with the night lack something. What is it? Somehow they don’t look quite right at this hour. I feel the need growing but I resist a visit to the brothel this time. This time I stay true. The emptiness returns and I fight my desire to stray a little. Who am I? My appetite for love presses against my jeans.
Is it love or sex I need right now?
I know I’m stronger these days and the need to pursue my desires can be overcome but wanting, the wanting never stops.
Where are you my love?
What are you doing now?
Little Jonnie (A few years down the track)...